The Boomstick Holder Philosophy
Being a Boomstick Holder
It’s a role that everyone at some point will hold, while others have a clear calling towards it. Whatever you do, don’t underestimate the power of the Boomstick Holder.
So about 3 years ago I developed this theory on the role of a Boomstick Holder, and of course I gave myself the title. See I really like associating my personality with different words or phrases such as the “Boomstick Holder” or “a girl in a guy’s club.” It replaces the common terms and provides onlookers, stalkers and nosy ninnies the opportunity to have a better understanding of me without me actually having to explain myself or talk to these individuals. This happens to also be a trait of the Boomstick Holder, we are actually way more introverted than we are extroverted. Surprise! I’m sure you would have never guessed that about me.
This idea, term and theory came to me while I was embracing a new career. Well, really, it was a new job. Same industry, slightly same role with more responsibilities, but gave me the opportunity to have a larger voice and impact. What became apparent was that while my role and title were clearly listed on a card and website, Director of Communication, my responsibilities and actually answering the question, “What do you do for a living?” proved more difficult to explain. In an entrepreneurial company, heck in most companies, the title “catcher of all things” really needs to be normalized as an official title. Seeing how I work for a marketing company, I probably had a good reason to make this title work, but for professional purposes it was deemed not necessary. Bummer.
So as I began to answer the questions, “What are you doing now?” or “How is this new job different?” I started to recognize a common theme. My responsibilities included: business development, account management, strategy execution, errand runner, email writer extraordinaire, policy and procedures, budget management, clock keeper, trainer, etc. Yeah, I know, the list is random. I hate being boxed into only being able to do one thing, so I continued to just keep saying yes to tasks handed to me, especially when they came from clients. However, if you think through those responsibilities closely they all have one thing in common…they are behind-the-scenes and supportive roles aka the Boomstick Holder.
I even began to tell people my job was to “make other people more money,” and the reality is that’s the truest statement ever. If I am doing my job right, I am making clients (their organizations) and the company I work for more money. It’s a win all the way around and it’s truly the pride I take in my job. I want to see everyone I work with be successful. I guess you could say I love helping others win.
One thing I learned from previous experience is that I did not have to be in the spotlight to do this. People have this disillusionment that when you are the face person you have the greatest impact, the most effect on things or the ability to grow more. Sure in some cases this is true, but I’m here to tell you that the Boomstick Holder is the place to be.
I thrive here, at least.
It’s also why I’m a writer. Think about it, authors create these elaborate stories by themselves and behind the faces of the characters and plots they develop. They literally create worlds for others, and themselves, to escape to. Nothing about being a writer screams, “give me the spotlight.” We want to give people the chance to dream, leave reality, solve murders or fall in love, and we do so with our words written and typed out on paper. You don’t find us on a stage, in a movie or at some press junket (okay, aside from those authors whose books get turned into movies) unless we are required or forced to do so. Seriously friends, if you only knew how terrified I am of the publicity surrounding publishing a book. Being a writer and an author has never been about the attention. It’s always about the story and to give a voice for others.
Boomstick Holder Rule #1: Be of service
Boomstick Holder Rule #2: Be selfless
As an introverted, extrovert I found my sweet spot in being the person behind the person(s). The supportive role of service or being of service to another is no easy task, and there is little room for being selfish. Both lessons (servitude and selflessness) I was in desperate need to learn more about. These things are not learned in the spotlight. They are learned in all the moments leading up to the big presentation, the announcement of a project, the expansion of a company or even releasing a book. The Boomstick Holder asks, “How can I help make this a huge success for the other person? What do they need to reach their goals? How can my skills better suit their needs?” Again, you focus on the support of another cause and not what’s in it for you.
All of this being said brings me to the photo above and the photos below. Ya see, I didn’t give voice to or model the role of the Boomstick Holder until I realized how much it was modeled for me.
Boomstick Holder Rule #3: You have been one, you will be one, and you will need one.
The incredible woman featured in my main blog photo is my SIL (sister-in-law). Personally, she breaks the mold when it comes to being a person of service and selflessness. I mean have you ever tried to serve as a Pastor? Wait, let me make it better, be a Pastor under the Senior Pastor that is your Father! Talk about keeping it in the family business here folks. I have witnessed Bishop Q preach for 26 years and the guy can bring it. However, the pulse to everything that goes on is Heather. I have watched the woman orchestrate an Easter Play while pregnant, sit in the ER for hours holding someone’s hand who is losing a family member, carry babies (not her own) around the halls of the daycare, be ridiculed for her pink hair, sit in silence as receives from her Pastor, raise 5 boys and yet she still just says she does the accounting (insert massive eye roll). Everything she does, literally, is to be of service to someone else. Her entire job, even the most important one as a mom, is helping others to better themselves in a relationship with God, with their spouse, their family, their church community or damn even helping people love themselves a little more. If you are ever privileged to listen to her preach or for me get her words via Marco Polo then you are not only blessed, but receive the power of her love, grace and compassion for ALL people. I’ve experienced all three since I was 12 and I am still in awe of her depth and heart. See when you are a Boomstick Holder you are always leading with your heart. I have seen people crush Heather’s more times than she deserves, but she gets up again and again and continues to give back and serve even those who have torn her down. Rarely does she turn down the opportunity to give her time to another person or cause, and again does so genuinely. There is no underlying, self-motivating cause for her, so never doubt her why.
Boomstick Holder Rule #4: Reality over the Reel
The lovely lady below has been my role model from day 1. Friends, let me introduce you to the force that is my mom. She was breaking glass ceilings before it was even talked about. She was stopping the “me too” nonsense before it was even a movement. She was leading behind every man while being gossiped about and berated for “leaving her kids in the care of someone else.” She endured the pain, so I didn’t have to. She’s never been President of a company, inventor of anything, founder of a business, famous or a millionaire. But…big but here…you will be shocked by the rolodex (her phone contact list, Gen Zers try and keep up) of people she is connected to and has helped achieve all the accolades previously listed. These people will always take my mom’s phone call, listen to her ideas and respect the reputation she has built in the industry that her own family once rejected her from.
She currently leads behind another impactful women who is one of the only female Presidents in a “good ol’ boys club” that is historically conservative in their mindsets. Even on the end of her career she is still breaking the mold and doing it as a Boomstick Holder. Faith is what lead her here. For years, I’ve deemed her as Esther. The Queen of a nation, the one destined for “such a time as this.” She has never revered the spotlight and knows her work doesn’t need it. Both her and Esther needed courage in the face of fear and a strong rooted faith of the One they serve. And while my mom may not see it now, the legacy she is leaving and the path she is creating for generations to follow will speak and be heard of long after her work ends. Funny how Esther has a book in the Bible but the King she was under doesn’t. God is good like that. And just like any mother it is never about them, but those they lead and love. She believes joy is found in the music and kitchen and nothing beats being Nana.
Boomstick Holder Rule #5: Obedience is not a weakness
In all honesty, the rule for #5 should be “Being submissive is not a weakness,” but I am currently still not okay with the word “submissive,” so “obedience” works for the point I am here to make, and leads me to the next woman who has mastered my Boomstick Holder theory in her own way. It’s no secret, well I have kept it no secret, that my relationship with this individual, in its entirety, has not been without struggle. There are seven years between my sister and I and that age gap can feel like an eternity when growing up. I idolized her and she saw me as the intrusive little sister. However, with time and a lot of awkward conversations, we now recognize the strengths each of us bring to the table, and I am so grateful for her parenting tips and advice on life. It’s tough being the oldest and I have never given her the credit she is due, so thanks sis I owe you big.
Okay, back to why she models this theory so well, and, yes, I’m going biblical on you again. First let me paint this setting. My sister got married at 19 and has been married almost 23 years. She has four amazing kiddos and is a stay at home mom. Those accolades alone earn her an award because no one is holding those stats and their sanity at the same time. But let me take it a step further. Over the course of the those 23 years, her family has lived in 8 different towns and 11 different houses. Do the math because it’s a lot of moving. Why is this all relevant you ask? Because being a Boomstick Holder means you are following or fulfilling another person’s requests, dreams, plans, etc. Her and my best friend easily tie for the most supportive spouses I have ever seen. Did she blindly follow her husband? Heck no. She has more vocalized opinions than I do, so as a team they made these decisions together, but it was based on opportunities her spouse had. It’s like the story of Ruth following Naomi. “Where you go, I’ll go. Your people will be my people.” Over the years my sister has opened their home and taken care of dozens of ball players, picked up and moved their lives across 3 different states and made whatever income they had work for the lives they wanted. She, very much like Heather (my SIL), is the heart and soul of how things happen and get accomplished in her family. From the outside you could label her and say she has it easy, but helping someone else achieve their dreams and goals is nothing short of a hefty feat. The Boomstick Holder is the shoulder to lean on, the boost of confidence, and the rock when the plans don’t go as planned. The supportive/submissive/obedient role is also the honored one. PS…it was impossible to find a photo of just her, so say hi to Jared too, and that in a nutshell sums her up completely.
Boomstick Holder Rule #6: Friends become family
Boomstick Holder Rule #7: There is room for everyone
Boomstick Holder Rule #8: Compassion over comparison
I saved the following person for last because she taught me how to reconnect with the three listed above (yes, including my mom), which then lead me to the most important rule.
Boomstick Holder Rule #9: Don’t stop showing up
While I met my best friend over a decade ago, we really have only been close for the past 5 years. Ya know when you just meet another female and you just click with them? I struggled finding this for years in my friendships with other women. Somehow with Sarah she always accepted me just how I was, even with all my bullshit and chaos. This is what real Boomstick Holders do for others, they make room for them. They accept you, just as you are, always. I have watched her champion others in the midst of her own hurt, champion people who have torn her down, champion the critics and champion her family. Sure from the outside one might think, well she is in the spotlight. Ha. That’s when I know you don’t know her at all. This woman, for her entire life, has been of support to someone else. The caretaker, the person helping someone else’s dreams come true or to fruition by sacrificing her own. Much like the rest of the women listed above, she selflessly gives away her time, says yes when she really wants to say no and shows up with a smile on her face. She gets the job done when everyone else has given up. My bestie has grit, moxie (and you thought moksee was by accident?), confidence and abundant grace. So damn it, give the girl her spotlight for a hot second because SHE DESERVES IT, but I guarantee she will avoid it. Interestingly enough, a Boomstick Holder never has to give spotlight to their own success, someone else will do it for them. You can all it karma, but I fully believe if you put good out into the world, the good comes back to you because we serve a good God. She’s the good. I’ve claimed it for years and am humbled to do life with her. She made space for me, built me back up and championed for me even when I couldn’t be a cheerleader for myself. Boomstick Holders don’t stop showing up. They keep life going.
Now that you have stayed with me this long (yes, I’m well aware this is an absurdly long blog) let me close this out by saying, anyone can be a Boomstick Holder and no you won’t always be the Boomstick Holder. Also, before you ask the question, yes, guys are also Boomstick Holders. It’s not a gender specific role. These amazing women deserved the spotlight here. They are my tribe. My people and God knows how long it took me to find them and love them the way they deserve in a friendship.
Also, this is very likely going to be a book within the next few years, so I would appreciate it if you didn’t steal my title. Okay? Thanks.
