Clear Vision
A Word Come To Pass
Every year I choose a word of focus for the year that is about to begin. “Vision” was my word for 2020. I had no idea in December of 2019 how far this prophetic word would take me over the course of this last year, and contrary to popular opinion I didn’t hate 2020.
Well here we are on December 31, 2020.
I can’t even begin to count the number of “F-U 2020” or “please be kind 2021” posts that I have come across in the past week. To equally match that are the amazingly heartwarming posts to frontline workers, teachers, and lost loved ones. 2020 has given our world the most extremes of emotions all year long. Some days we were crushing it to only be thrown for a loop and be crushed the next day. Everyone was all over the board this past year because no one knew what was coming next. I think my favorite saying I have come across was a post at the beginning of every month that said “Welcome to level 9 of Jumanji” and it just felt right. You couldn’t help but throw your hands up and go “well let’s see what happens this month, week, day, hour.” It was an unprecedented and unpredictable year and I am proud of everyone for making it through. Everyone deserves an award for how they survived. No judgement, no competition, no “you did it wrong” because survival was the ultimate victory. Plus, I never thought I would add to my resume, “I survived a pandemic,” but it might prove to be my most powerful personality trait yet.
However, it would be a HUGE misstep for me to dismiss this year or chalk it up as “the worst year ever” or a complete loss. I can’t. I may not hold the popular opinion and while there were many times during remote learning that I cussed at the circumstances of 2020, I can look back on this year and be amazed at how far I have come. I can look back and go “WOW” what an incredible year. To be frank I won’t apologize for the success this year was for me. You see I choose a word for every year I head into. I have done it for the past 4 years or so. The first couple of times I did it, I was applying wishful thinking and not really soul searching for how I wanted to craft the year ahead. People who have lost themselves and are grasping at anything in hopes to make life better will choose a pretty word or a “I wish this was my life” kind of word. That was me for a long time.
The picture above came at the end of 2019, after a year of finally choosing to do the work. Let’s be honest, it’s way easier to repeat a pattern that feels good instead of putting in the work to figure out the real issues. Well that feel good cycle hadn’t proven to be of much benefit to my life. In hindsight, it basically ruined me for a period of time, but it’s like that lyric in the Kelly Clarkson song, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” In 2019 I got stronger (not so coincidentally, my word for 2019 was “Warrior).
I was at church on 12/22 when Pastor Q was preaching about God’s intentions for clear vision in 2020. He had a great word for the congregation and to be honest I really thought it applied more to my mom than me. Also, we had NO idea what as about to hit our country and rock the world, so reading back through my notes I chuckle a bit. While sitting in service, I couldn’t ignore the stirring in my gut. See folks, I’ve always been a Christian. I am saved and I know I am going to Heaven some day. I’ve always had deep beliefs and have known since I was a teenager that God talked to me. We usually meet for chats while I am writing or when listening to music. He meets me in my most honest and vulnerable places. Full transparency, there is absolutely no way I would be where I am today without His unwavering love and forgiveness. The number of times He has saved my sorry ass is unbelievable, but that’s what He does. He always shows up, picks us up and loves us.
At the end of church, our Deacons were prepared to pray for whoever needed it. Whoever wanted to receive all that 2020 had in store for us. Yep, I went forward. Maybe I was jazzed up about the idea that 2020 was going to be this life changing year, but I also couldn’t quiet the stirring. I stood in front of Kent and was not prepared for what he had to say. See the next thing people don’t know about my Christian beliefs, is I believe in the prophetic. Kent took my hand, smiled so big and chuckled.
“Oh Princess of the most high. Clear vision is for you. For dreams you have been waiting on will come to pass. Restoration is yours! Turn that shame, guilt and past into joy, happiness and passion…”
You can imagine I lost it. I cried and laughed and hugged him. Then I went back to my seat and immediately wrote down what I could remember. “Clear Vision” became my word for 2020. As us humans do I had my own interpretation for what this was going to mean. “For dreams you have been waiting on will come to pass,” meant several different things in my mind, so I spent some time crafting what I thought was going to transpire and of course chasing the wrong trail for a while. However, “restoration is yours” was an immediate relief and weight lifted that I needed. It’s like I finally received the permission I needed to move forward. To feel like He had forgiven me, even if no one else did.
Then the pandemic of 2020 hit and this word was tucked away on a journal page. I know I referenced it a couple of times throughout the year, which is what normally happens with my word of the year. Looking back I am blown away at how this word covered me so completely over the course of the last 12 months. Some would say it miraculously manifested itself. I know it was God. I know when I pleaded for His help in June, he answered (not the way I wanted either). I know when I received another word in July it was Him basically shouting at me “Start now!” and thus Audaciously Written was born. Then when I shared my “Scarlett Letter” I spoke my story to the masses (scared shitless by the way). I know it is Him removing from my life the chains, barriers, and emotions that held me captive for so long.
So, 2020 for all the reasons, thank you and I love you! You lived up beautifully to the expectations of being something new and a year of change. You have been the biggest sucker punch. You have been the biggest dose of humble pie. You have opened my eyes and forced me to change and adapt. You brought out my worst and my best and for that I will kiss you goodbye and run excitedly into 2021. I won’t tread lightly. I won’t be quiet. I won’t move forward fearfully.
If you are feeling stuck remember this: Since backwards isn’t an option and present isn’t nearly enough, the only way is to move forward.
CHEERS!!!
