Broke Through 2022

That’s A Wrap

Wow. If I knew in January what all this year would hold for me, I don’t know that I would believe it. All I can say is, God is so good.

I closed the book.

Oh hell, I closed the book, the door, the thoughts, the apps and the people. Sometimes not everyone or everything comes with you for the entire journey, and this year their season was done.

Can I just say…OUCH!

Nothing about growth or healing is easy. I thought I had endured some hard years, and then came 2022 and basically said, “Honey, you ain’t seen hard. Breaking you down is easy compared to building you back up.”

Truth. 100% truth.

Looking back on this year I can see it better now. The blessings, that is. When you are in the weeds all you do is beg for a better view. However, the weeds, eh let’s say roots, is where the work must be done. Thus, where I stayed the majority of the year because there was a lot of work to do in me. I needed to replant my roots in some better soil. You know, I think this what sets people apart. The desire to recognized one’s flaws or faults and not be satisfied with living life that way anymore. The willingness to change, evolve and adapt versus staying stagnant.

Still closing doors is HARD.

The number of times I thought one was closed, but to only then let it crack open just a bit. It’s because there is comfort in the familiarity. No matter how bad or unhealthy a situation is for you, it’s easier to go back to what you know than charge ahead, alone, into the unknown (que Frozen 2 song).

Still forward I went scared, lonely, yet hopeful. I found new outlets, new pieces of me, new people and peace.

However, healing isn’t linear (stole that one from therapy). Neither is growth. Just when I thought I was on the right track and able to catch my breath, God was like… “time for phase 2,” and BAM, I was sat back down to breakthrough another roadblock I had built. It’s incredibly ironic that we build our own roadblocks thinking they will help us, only to have God force us to face them and tear them down. I could have saved myself so much work…ugh the price of healing.

Speaking of healing, here is my favorite quote from the year- “You have to feel it, to heal it.” Yep, that’s right people. For all of you who like to push down and away those emotions and feelings you don’t want to face- guess what- ya have to face them to get over them. Thank you for coming to my therapy TED talk.

Back to the year…

God deconstructed every single pillar of my life. Every. Single. One.

Emotionally.

Financially.

Physically.

Mentally.

Spiritually.

Seriously, I have witnesses and Marco Polos to prove it. It’s unfair how some people may get one pillar a year or a decade, but nope, not me. God apparently knew this was His chance to do it all at once, and as my mom so likes to remind me, He made me strong enough to handle it.

Handle it, I did. Probably not with as much grace as I would have liked, but with a lot of grace I needed. I can honestly say this year God and I really got on a first name basis and I’m sure He did not prefer when our conversations started out with a, “WTF God!” Don’t worry I was told you didn’t have to have the perfect words for when you prayed, that God just wants your honest heart. Needless to say, that while He was breaking me down and I was less the tactful with they way I prayed. But gosh the conversations were so good!

I know He had to bring me to the end of myself, so I was fully dependent on Him. He did this for so many reasons, but the biggest I can see is I needed to know that, despite all I had done, I could depend on the fact that I was loved, unconditionally. He still wanted me. He still saw me and called me His. While I knew this or had been preached this many times over, 2022 was the first time in a long time I felt God’s physical presence in my life. He was literally changing me from the inside out and while it was absolutely everything I needed, I noticed many doors that closed along the way.

But as the saying goes…with every door closed, another one opens. It is so like God to wait until you are desperate to go, “Well silly, this is what I have been preparing you for. You just weren’t ready until now.” And it never fails that what He is preparing is far beyond what I ever imagined for myself.

This was a year of breakthrough. It was a year of healing, growing and maturing. It was a year of answered prayers and blessings. None of it was easy, but it was all worth it.