The Goodbye Letter

Words Meant For No One

Have you ever wrote a goodbye letter, but never sent it? Sometimes the closure you need comes without a response from the person you want it from. Yet, somehow writing it all out helps your heart to mend.

Hey you,

What a ride, right? For a girl who has a way with words they seem to fail me now, but somehow I hope this comes across right.

I know this is it. The last time we are together. I’ll never compete with what you love and the lifestyle you want to live. Who knew an out of the blue meeting would take us this far. I believe you felt something for me, and what we had was special, incredibly unique. I feel so fortunate to have experienced a connection so intense and on a level most only read about in fairytales. But I know even that feeling isn’t enough for you. In your life I may be fourth or fifth on your list. Again, not someone’s #1, but this time I think I have found my peace with it.

I know I was 100% myself with you. Actually, you seemed to bring it out of me. Whatever I held captive, afraid to live and be okay in my own skin, you set it free. I never once changed me to fit what I thought you wanted, that was a first. I wonder if you can say the same?

Just like fate dropped you into my life, maybe it is telling me, not now, which is why I have to walk away. No matter what, I don’t regret a second of it. I have lived so much with you and found me again. Who would have thought the “no feelings” plan led me to having so many feelings, emotions and dreams. Thank you.

I have said this multiple times to you, but I really want you to hear this and believe me. You deserve it all. If I have learned anything, it’s that your past doesn’t define who you are today or the future you have ahead. You can have the career and the love you seek. Yes, I know it’s what you are searching for. It’s part of the pain you keep stowed away. I thought the love was me, but I’ve discovered that’s not the case.

Oh, that smile of yours…goodness. It’s what captivated me from the beginning. When it reaches yours eyes and makes them sparkle, it’s pure joy. I am going to miss that smile, even the ornery one that let me know you were up to no good lol. Please never stop paying attention to the details. It meant everything that you even cared enough to see them and call them out. It made you different. It made you better than the rest.

Most who know you would say you don’t lack confidence, but I have seen it falter. I have witnessed the insecurity you hide well. The loud, bolstering presence that is you, only masks your uncertainty of your place with people. Be confident in who you are and not the show you put on. You are amazing, so believe it for yourself. When you do, that’s when you truly will be unstoppable.

Lastly, remember this…you are worth it. My decision to leave now is twice is hard because my heart believes you are worth all the risk. Unfortunately, I have chosen to believe my head this time, and the evidence that shows you aren’t ready for us. I know you won’t chase after me and prove me wrong. I know you won’t beg for another shot. I know you will push this down, suppress the feelings and go to the bar.

I was your porch swing angel, but you put me in my place.

I love you inside and out.

-Mandy